And im sitting right here. It's 1.45am. I cant sleep. But im not studying. There's only 1 month left. I should be hardcoring. What am i doing? Im pathetic. I suck big time. Am i not nervous? Am i not afraid that i would get the results i got for trials? My trial results arent very good so far. If i continue being like this, i bet i'll be getting worse results than trials. Adding incomplete studying to nervousness results in BAD OUTCOME. And yet, im still here.

I cant sleep. Thank goodness there's no school tmr it's sure going to be a hard time. I'll be yawning the whole day. Normally, i'll be fighting to stay awake at a time like this. And now it's the other way round. It's been like this for the past 2 weeks now. Tossing and turning in bed, only falling asleep after i dont know how long. I went to bed at 12.45. I've been awake in bed for an hour this time. This is bad. Is it insomnia? It feels like hell. I want to sleep but i cant. Im craving for chocolates right now but my sore throat is killing me, slitting my throat. Oh well, at least i wont get diabetes so soon. Not that i want to get it. I DONT.

I dont know what's happening. This was what i thought before everything happened. And now, when everything happened, im still thinking about the same thing. I dont know what's happening. I wanted to be the best for you, the one to put a smile on your face, the one to make your day. But i ended up making everything worse. For you, and for me. Perhaps, everything i thought wasnt true all along. Perhaps, it was just a desire. I feel so selfish all of a sudden. I dont know why it's becoming this why. Listening to my heart isnt helping at all. It's not saying anything. Only beating, to keep me alive, to keep everything that is happening, real. Is it trying to tell me that everything is real? That there's no running away? To just go on and face it? I dont know how. I need a guide book. To tell me where to go and what to do at times like these.

Im sorry it has to be this way but i promise i'll try to mend it.
Hopefully.